This blog is going to be just about my life. My life as a 38 year old mother, wife, daughter,friend, patient, daughter-in-law, artist, and human being. I want to try and remember the details in my life that seem to slip away with the chaos. I want to share my story to help others if I can. And I want a record of my life for my young son to have when he’s old enough to really know his mother.
So to jump right in… let’s just start with today.
The Cute is sick. It’s really nothing new. He and I are always getting sick. At least it seems that way. The books say that young children, on average, get sick every two weeks. And that is why I call him the Germ Factory.
I, on the other hand, am just fucked. That’s right. FUCKED. For the past 12 years…if there is a virus or bacteria…I have a 50/50 chance of getting it. And for the last 4 years…it’s risen to 99%. I get everything. And it’s not just that. I get pain added in for good measure. Heaps of it. You see, I have a pain condition. A pretty annoying one. The doctors (I hesitate calling them that) have so far diagnosed Fibromyalgia, but after careful research and the cropping up of some more disturbing issues such as intermittent tachycardia(rapid heart rate) and palpitations, a severe salt craving, blood pressure issues, and crazy body temp regulation problems…I think it’s closer to Dysautonomia with a mild, undiagnosed autoimmune condition to make matters more interesting. It’s been a bit complicated around here since the pregnancy gave it crack. It’s become The Beast.
So anyway, I hurt today. And my son is booger faucet. And a bipolar nutball. But a damn cute one at that. I hate how crazy he gets. He reminds me of how chaotic I was as a child. It was so hard to deal with my emotions. I see, in him, my ups and downs. My passion and my utter despair over seemingly random, petty things. I hurt for him. And then he uses that annoying whiny voice and I want to crawl inside my body to get away from it. Ugh, I hate the whine. And it’s especially annoying when all I want to do is drown in covers and sleep off the pain. But I digress…
So today has been pretty boring. TV and iPad. Popsicles and cold medicine.
I love my life and my child though. And I’m so lucky to be able to snuggle him through days like today. I’m so lucky to be able to lay down when I need to. To have this kind of day. Just a boring, average, amazingly lucky day of snuggles and snot.
Ok…fuck the snot.
(Not an amazing way to start a blog but, hell, I had time. And when a mom has time…you do something with it if you can.)