It’s the final countdown….(there…for those in the know, I’ve stuck that tune in your head for a few days)

So I did the MRI. And the stress is killing me in pain. This month has been the worst yet…calling for more meds than I’ve ever needed. I keep telling myself that it’s temporary but it’s been two months since my last relief. Usually I have dips in the pain. Sort of like contractions. Except measured in weeks. I usually have a week of flare and then a week off at least. It used to be a week on and two weeks off at least. But it’s closing in, and this last flare has lasted two months with scattered days of ok. Very exhausting. I know it’s a combination of the weather, illness, and stress but knowing why you are in pain doesn’t help the being in pain. I only hope that my new dr is understanding when I come begging for meds early for the second month in a row. Sigh. I hate doing that. 

On the parenting side of life, the fourth was a little mellower then we planned…we went to a friend’s house later in the evening to have dinner and watch the fireworks over the county(my friend has a house that overlooks like three or four cities worth of fireworks). We had originally planned on going up into the mountains to show The Cute fireworks up close…but the weather was so hot and he’s so four…we reconsidered. He continued to not be that impressed with fireworks anyway…but I wonder if he might have liked them more if they had been up close. It was nice regardless and we left feeling satisfied on all fronts. 

We did stop at the sister in-law’s party for a moment…they threw a massive pool party with a crap-load of their friends. It was honestly too much for me at this moment with my worry and flare so I was glad that my husband wasn’t keen on going to it as our sole fourth entertainment. They come from a different world than us…full of well to do people with perfect families. Not that ours isn’t perfect but I can’t help but feeling like we stand out like sore thumbs(or at least me). We are the alternative artsy types in a very conservative city. The Sisters were at least outwardly nice to me this time…but I always do feel like an afterthought. I know I would not be invited if I wasn’t with my family. I am not their type. I also say and do the most awkward things when I’m nervous which is all the time when I’m in their presence. So a quick cameo was enough.

We did watch a 3D movie on the fourth, snuggled up together in the air conditioning. That was a little slice of heaven. It was Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs  and I highly recommend it. Not only was it beautiful…it was a great story. I actually usually dislike the Ice Age series…usually a sea of white and full of gags..but this was a new take completely that was full of color and action. In 3D, it was a visual feast and full of family love and the coolest new character…a weasel named Buck, played by Simon Pegg. He was, as always, amazing. 

But between breaking my iPad, and worrying immensely about the MRI, the 3D movies have been at least a partial distraction…apart from the moment in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs when it’s revealed that the main character loses his mother early. Oh gawd! For a moment, I was a mess and cursing the movie. 

So now I wait. And wait. Hoping to hear good news…which usually means hoping to hear nothing till I finally go nuts and email my doctor and she says, “What’s wrong with you, I would have called you if there was something…relax…you need to diminish your stress”…and I say, to myself, “Fuck You… then you should have called me sooner to tell me I’m not dying” but instead write a lovey thank you and fall into a pile of relief and sweat.


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